Filed by The Dude on Wednesday, May 20, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
EX-GIRLFRIEND ARRESTED AFTER HIRING MARIACHI BAND TO FOLLOW EX’S FIRST DAY AT NEW JOB PLAYING ONLY ADELE SONGS
EX-GIRLFRIEND ARRESTED AFTER HIRING MARIACHI BAND TO FOLLOW EX’S FIRST DAY AT NEW JOB PLAYING ONLY ADELE SONGS HOUSTON, TX — A 28-year-old woman was arrested after police say she paid a mariachi band $400 to stand outside her ex-boyfriend’s new office building for nearly three hours repeatedly performing “Someone Like You” by Adele at full volume. Authorities say Madison Reyes organized the musical revenge stunt after learning her ex had updated his LinkedIn relationship status to “focused on career growth” less than two weeks after their breakup. Witnesses claim the mariachi band arrived at approximately 8:15 AM and immediately began performing emotional breakup songs while employees walked into the building “visibly uncomfortable but highly entertained.” According to coworkers: * The ex allegedly refused to leave the lobby for almost an hour * Multiple employees thought the performance was a corporate event * One intern reportedly started crying despite not knowing anyone involved * The band took one break only to eat tacos and tune instruments Police reports state the musicians were specifically instructed to make eye contact with the ex whenever the chorus played. Investigators say Reyes remained parked across the street in a white Nissan Altima “watching the emotional damage unfold in real time.” The situation escalated after the ex attempted to move meetings online while the band allegedly transitioned into a dramatic trumpet-heavy encore. When questioned by officers, Reyes reportedly said: “I paid for the premium heartbreak package. I was getting my money’s worth.” One witness described the scene as: “Like a live-action telenovela sponsored by human resources.” Reyes was charged with disturbing the peace before later being released. Police confirmed the mariachi band was fully paid and reportedly asked if she wanted to “book them again next Friday.” #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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