Filed by The Dude on Wednesday, May 20, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
HOUSTON, TX — Kendall Reeves, 26, a competitive cheerleader, was arrested Saturday after allegedly locking her ex-boyfriend inside a batting cage for four hours and feeding quarters into the pitching
HOUSTON, TX — Kendall Reeves, 26, a competitive cheerleader, was arrested Saturday after allegedly locking her ex-boyfriend inside a batting cage for four hours and feeding quarters into the pitching machine "until he learned something." According to the police report, Reeves tailed her ex to a local sports park, waited until he stepped into the fast-pitch cage, and bolted the door from the outside with a bike lock and a wedged bat. Responding officers say they found: - The cage door secured with a bike lock and a baseball bat braced through the frame - A bucket of quarters labeled "lesson plan" - A pitching machine "still cycling" after four hours - A printed list titled "Things to Reflect On Between Pitches" - A sports drink slid under the fence "so he stayed hydrated through the curriculum" Sports park staff said the ex-boyfriend was unharmed but had "swung at every pitch out of sheer survival." "She informed us he was 'almost done with the lesson,'" said Houston PD Officer Marcus Reed. "She asked if she could feed in one more quarter for what she called the final exam." The bike lock was logged into evidence and declined to comment. Reeves was charged with unlawful imprisonment and released Sunday. She reportedly asked officers whether her ex had "improved his stance at all." She turned a batting cage into a classroom. The pitches kept coming. So did the charges. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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