Filed by The Dude on Wednesday, May 20, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
EX-GIRLFRIEND ARRESTED AFTER RENTING U-HAUL AND TAKING BACK EVERY GIFT SHE EVER BOUGHT HER EX — INCLUDING THE DOG
EX-GIRLFRIEND ARRESTED AFTER RENTING U-HAUL AND TAKING BACK EVERY GIFT SHE EVER BOUGHT HER EX — INCLUDING THE DOG PHOENIX, AZ — A 31-year-old woman was arrested after police say she showed up at her ex-boyfriend’s mother’s house with a rented U-Haul and spent nearly four hours repossessing “everything she emotionally invested in” following a breakup. Authorities say Brittany Cole arrived Saturday morning with moving blankets, storage bins, and a handwritten inventory list titled: “MY STUFF SINCE YOU WASTED MY TIME.” According to police reports, the couple had broken up less than 48 hours earlier after Brittany allegedly discovered her ex was already active on three dating apps “before her side of the bed was even cold.” Witnesses claim Brittany calmly entered the home and began removing items one-by-one, including: * A 65-inch TV she financed * An air fryer * Two bar stools * Matching Halloween pajamas * A framed photo collage * The WiFi router * And eventually… the dog Police say the ex-boyfriend initially thought she was bluffing until he watched her load an entire sectional couch into the truck “with frightening efficiency.” Neighbors described the scene as “part breakup, part military extraction.” The situation escalated after the ex allegedly tried stopping her from taking the dog, leading Brittany to yell: “I PAID FOR HIS SHOTS, HIS FOOD, AND HIS THERAPY AFTER THE FIREWORKS INCIDENT.” Authorities later confirmed the dog legally belonged to Brittany based on vet records and microchip information. One neighbor reportedly applauded as the U-Haul drove away. Cole was briefly detained for disorderly conduct after refusing to leave the driveway while arguing over a Ninja blender attachment. Police reports state the ex-boyfriend is now sleeping on an air mattress “surrounded by emotional silence.” #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
More From The Newsdesk
FILEDDAD GOES VIRAL AFTER PUSHING HIS HUNGOVER WIFE THROUGH DISNEY IN A…
ORLANDO, FL — A 45-year-old father accidentally became TikTok famous after park guests spotted him pushing…
FLORIDAFLORIDA MAN ARRESTED AFTER ALLEGEDLY DESTROYING TACO BELL BATHROOM…
DAYTONA BEACH, FL — A Florida man was arrested after police say he attempted to quietly flee a Taco Bell…
FLORIDAKAREN, 52, ARRESTED AFTER STARBUCKS MELTDOWN OVER “EXCESSIVE ICE”…
TAMPA, FL — A 52-year-old Florida woman was arrested Tuesday morning after police say she launched her own…
BREAKINGEX-GIRLFRIEND, 28, ARRESTED AFTER ALLEGEDLY FAKING ENTIRE PREGNANCY —…
CLEARWATER, FL — A 28-year-old Florida woman was arrested after police say she spent nearly nine months…