Filed by The Dude on Wednesday, May 20, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
NEW ORLEANS, LA — Kendall Reeves, 28, was arrested Friday night after allegedly attempting to perform a full exorcism on a Popeyes biscuit in the restaurant's parking lot on Tulane Avenue.
NEW ORLEANS, LA — Kendall Reeves, 28, was arrested Friday night after allegedly attempting to perform a full exorcism on a Popeyes biscuit in the restaurant's parking lot on Tulane Avenue. According to the police report, Reeves ordered a three-piece combo, took one bite of the biscuit, and announced to the drive-thru line that the pastry was "harboring something." She then set up what officers described as a ritual circle near a parking space. Responding officers say they found: - A biscuit placed inside its open box at the center of a chalk circle - Six garlic bulbs arranged "for backup" - A prayer candle, a small bowl, and a crucifix borrowed from her rearview mirror - Reeves reading commands off her phone, demanding the biscuit "release the manager" - A second biscuit she described as "the witness" The store manager told police Reeves had refused a refund, saying the situation "had gone beyond money." "She asked us to stand back for our safety," said New Orleans PD Officer Renee Galliano. "She said the biscuit had been quiet, and that was the problem." The biscuit was logged into evidence and declined to comment. Reeves was charged with disturbing the peace and released Saturday. She reportedly told officers the exorcism was "80 percent done" and asked if someone could finish it for her. She came for a three-piece and a side. She left with a misdemeanor and an unblessed biscuit. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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