Filed by The Dude on Wednesday, May 20, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
FLORIDA MAN CITED FOR CONVERTING A TACO BELL PARKING LOT INTO A WEEKLY FARMERS MARKET FOR THREE MONTHS -- NINETEEN VENDORS HAD ALREADY PAID BOOTH FEES BEFORE ANYONE CHECKED WITH TACO BELL
FLORIDA MAN CITED FOR CONVERTING A TACO BELL PARKING LOT INTO A WEEKLY FARMERS MARKET FOR THREE MONTHS -- NINETEEN VENDORS HAD ALREADY PAID BOOTH FEES BEFORE ANYONE CHECKED WITH TACO BELL Tallahassee, FL -- Leon County code enforcement cited Ronald Decker, 59, Saturday after arriving at the Taco Bell on Apalachee Parkway to find nineteen vendor tents, a handmade entrance arch made from PVC pipe and zip ties, a chalk sign reading "PARKWAY FRESH MARKET -- EVERY SATURDAY 7AM-1PM," and a man in a flannel shirt collecting booth fees from a cash box while eating a Crunchwrap. Decker, a retired landscaper who described the location to Officer Sandra Polk as "high visibility, free parking, and the foot traffic is already there," had launched the market in February after what he described as a conversation with a Taco Bell employee who had not realized they were agreeing to anything. - Booth fee was $18 per vendor per week, collected in advance by the month - Nineteen vendors had paid February through April totaling $4,104 in collected fees - Vendors included a honey seller, three produce stands, a woman selling crocheted items, and a man with a smoker who had been there since week one and had a waitlist - Entrance arch had taken Decker one weekend to build and he was proud of it - Taco Bell manager Kevin Ostrowski confirmed no conversation had occurred with any employee that constituted authorization - Confirmed the drive-through line had been blocked four consecutive Saturdays - Decker told Officer Polk the drive-through customers had been buying honey while they waited and called it synergy Officer Polk confirmed the smoker vendor had grossed $640 the previous Saturday and described leaving him as "the hardest part of the citation process." "The brisket was ready," she said. "We still shut it down." All nineteen vendors received refunds. The arch was disassembled. The smoker vendor has been invited to a permitted market across town. He is considering it. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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