Filed by The Dude on Thursday, May 21, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
FLORIDA MAN CITED FOR LITTERING WHILE PICKING UP LITTER, COUNTY CONFIRMS THE CITATION IS TECHNICALLY CORRECT AND THEY ARE SORRY ABOUT THAT
FLORIDA MAN CITED FOR LITTERING WHILE PICKING UP LITTER, COUNTY CONFIRMS THE CITATION IS TECHNICALLY CORRECT AND THEY ARE SORRY ABOUT THAT Sarasota, FL -- Gary Hendricks, 54, spent his Saturday morning doing what he has done every weekend for three years: walking the shoulder of Cattlemen Road with a trash bag and a grabber tool, cleaning up after strangers who cannot be bothered. Deputy Morris Talbot observed Hendricks set his full bag down on the ground briefly while he reached for a second bag from his truck. Florida Statute 403.413 does not have a feelings clause. Hendricks was cited for improper disposal of waste on a public roadway The waste in question was other people's waste, collected by Hendricks, in a sealed bag Deputy Talbot acknowledged the situation was "not ideal" while writing the citation A county spokesperson confirmed the citation was "technically valid under the letter of the law" The spokesperson reportedly did not make eye contact during this statement Hendricks, a retired electrician who has collected an estimated 2,400 pounds of roadside garbage since 2023, told reporters he would contest the citation but planned to be back on Cattlemen Road next Saturday regardless. "I'm not going to stop cleaning up because somebody handed me paperwork," he said. The litter he collected that morning remained bagged, tagged, and properly disposed of. The irony remains at large and shows no signs of being picked up anytime soon. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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