Filed by The Dude on Thursday, May 21, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
FLORIDA MAN CITED AFTER REGISTERING HIS PICKUP TRUCK AS AN "EMOTIONAL SUPPORT VEHICLE" AND ATTEMPTING TO DRIVE IT INTO A WALMART
FLORIDA MAN CITED AFTER REGISTERING HIS PICKUP TRUCK AS AN "EMOTIONAL SUPPORT VEHICLE" AND ATTEMPTING TO DRIVE IT INTO A WALMART Randy Simms, 52, of Ocala, Florida was cited Tuesday after attempting to drive his 1994 Ford F-150 through the entrance of a Walmart Supercenter on SW 27th Avenue on the grounds that the vehicle had been registered as an emotional support vehicle and was therefore entitled to accompany him inside under federal accommodation guidelines he had researched on a website he declined to name. According to the incident report, the truck had two laminated "EMOTIONAL SUPPORT VEHICLE" signs affixed to the door panels and one on the dashboard facing outward which Randy had made himself at a FedEx Office the previous Thursday. Details from the citation report: - Simms had submitted a formal letter to Walmart corporate two weeks prior requesting indoor vehicle access - He had received no response and interpreted the silence as implied consent - The truck is a 1994 F-150 with a 8-foot bed and does not fit through the entrance - Simms had measured the entrance before arriving and acknowledged the width discrepancy but felt the principle still stood - He told officers the truck "grounds him" and proximity to the automotive section was essential to his wellbeing Officers noted the truck was otherwise street legal and the lamination was professional quality. Said Officer Reyes upon filing the report: "He measured the door first. He knew it wouldn't fit. He came anyway on principle. That is a man who has thought deeply about something that should not be thought about at all." Walmart has not responded to the original letter. Randy considers the matter still open. The lamination remains on the truck. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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