Filed by The Dude on Thursday, May 21, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
POWERBALL WINNER, 47, ARRESTED AFTER ALLEGEDLY TURNING INTERSTATE INTO “FREE MONEY PARADE”
POWERBALL WINNER, 47, ARRESTED AFTER ALLEGEDLY TURNING INTERSTATE INTO “FREE MONEY PARADE” TULSA, OK — A 47-year-old Oklahoma man who reportedly won a massive Powerball jackpot earlier this month was arrested Tuesday night after police say he spent nearly two hours driving down Interstate 44 tossing $100 bills out the window of his Ford F-150 while blasting “Money for Nothing” at full volume. According to troopers, the chaos began around 6:40 PM when drivers started slamming on brakes, abandoning vehicles on the shoulder, and sprinting into traffic trying to grab flying cash. Witnesses described the scene as “Black Friday mixed with a tornado.” Police say Randall Mercer had already thrown more than $2 million into the air before officers finally boxed in his truck near mile marker 212. Investigators claim Mercer yelled, “THE GOVERNMENT CAN’T TAX IT IF NOBODY OWNS IT!” while continuing to launch stacks of bills through the passenger window. The interstate reportedly looked like a “cash hurricane,” with hundreds of bills scattered across all lanes and people diving across medians trying to collect them. Authorities say: * 14 minor crashes were reported * One man allegedly filled an entire kayak with loose cash * A woman abandoned her Tesla in drive to chase money barefoot * Multiple people refused to return the bills, arguing it was “a blessing” * Someone reportedly opened a lemonade stand directly on the shoulder of the interstate Mercer was taken into custody on charges including reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct, and interfering with traffic flow. Police estimate less than 20% of the money was recovered. One officer summed up the madness perfectly: “I’ve worked highway patrol 22 years. Never thought I’d see people tackle each other over airborne hundreds.” #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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