Filed by The Dude on Monday, June 29, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
Texas Woman Arrested After Ex-Boyfriend Finds Out Why His Car Kept Smelling Like Shrimp
Texas Woman Arrested After Ex-Boyfriend Finds Out Why His Car Kept Smelling Like Shrimp Morgan Castillo, 28, of Houston, TX, was charged Wednesday evening after a mechanic discovered the source of a "mysterious and ungodly odor" that had been plaguing her ex-boyfriend's vehicle for three weeks. According to the police report: Castillo's ex-boyfriend Derek Sutton, 30, had taken his 2019 Chevy Malibu to four different mechanics and two detailing services trying to identify the smell, spending over $1,100 in the process The source was finally located when a technician removed the dashboard panel and found 11 pounds of raw shrimp sealed inside ziplock bags and duct-taped to the heating vents Further inspection revealed a second stash of shrimp tucked inside the spare tire compartment, along with a handwritten note that read "think of me every time you turn on the heat" Sutton told police that Castillo still had a spare key he forgot to collect after the breakup, which occurred when she found a single long blonde hair on his headrest that turned out to be from his golden retriever Responding officer Maria Salinas addressed the media: "In 18 years on the force I have never written the word shrimp in an official police report this many times. I wrote it nine times. I counted." Castillo was charged with criminal mischief and tampering with personal property. She was released on $600 bail and was seen at a Costco seafood counter within the hour, though police say the visit appeared unrelated. Her attorney released a statement: "My client is a woman of passion. The shrimp was emotionally symbolic." The golden retriever has been cleared of all involvement. The heating vents may never recover. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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