Filed by The Dude on Sunday, August 9, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN, 80, CHARGED AFTER DISTRIBUTING HOMEMADE WINE AT HER SENIOR CENTER AS HEALTH SUPPLEMENTS
WOMAN, 80, CHARGED AFTER DISTRIBUTING HOMEMADE WINE AT HER SENIOR CENTER AS HEALTH SUPPLEMENTS MAPLE HOLLOW, TN — Verna Cottrill, 80, was charged after health inspectors determined that bottles of homemade wine she had been distributing at her senior center, labeled "Elderberry Immune Tonic," contained significant alcohol content she had not disclosed to fellow residents. bottles were labeled "TAKE DAILY" with a handwritten dosage chart posted beside them chart recommended two servings daily and three servings on bingo nights specifically staff say attendance at afternoon activities had risen sharply over the past year, particularly on bingo nights inspection cited unauthorized health claims after Cottrill allegedly told residents the tonic "supported the immune system" lab testing on a confiscated bottle reportedly showed alcohol content comparable to a standard table wine Fellow residents say the tonic had become a beloved fixture of the afternoon schedule, with several crediting it for their newfound enthusiasm for bingo attendance and card games. "We've cited food safety issues, improper labeling before," said health inspector Grace Aukland, 10 years with the Tennessee Department of Health. "We've never had to cite someone for slipping wine into a senior center under the label of immune support." Cottrill was cited for unauthorized health claims and ordered to cease distribution immediately. She reportedly asked whether the recipe itself could remain on file "for personal use only." Some supplements come with a warning label. Verna's came with a bingo-night dosage increase and rising attendance numbers. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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