Filed by The Dude on Monday, August 10, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN, 80, ARRESTED AFTER DIVIDING 58 YEARS OF PHOTO ALBUMS WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS
WOMAN, 80, ARRESTED AFTER DIVIDING 58 YEARS OF PHOTO ALBUMS WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS MAPLE RIDGE, NC — Constance Averill, 80, was arrested on a criminal mischief complaint filed by her estranged husband after she spent four nights at the dining table cutting apart 58 years of shared photo albums, dividing every image down the middle with a pair of scissors. worked through 22 albums across four consecutive nights at the dining room table each photo was cut precisely in half, with the two halves sorted into shoeboxes labeled "HIS" and "MINE" in marker every photograph of the grandchildren was reportedly left completely intact and undivided husband filed the complaint after discovering the boxes while retrieving belongings from the house investigators noted the cuts were remarkably clean and consistent across all 22 albums Family members say the couple had been going through a lengthy separation, with the photo albums apparently the last unresolved item after most other property had already been divided. "We've seen people fight over furniture, over the china," said Deputy Grant Halloway, 15 years with the county sheriff's office. "We've never had someone bisect fifty-eight years of photographs with this level of precision." Averill was arrested and charged with destruction of property, though she reportedly maintained that "half of everything was always the agreement." She was released after posting bond. Some divorces end with lawyers dividing assets. This one ended with scissors, two shoeboxes, and a very literal interpretation of fifty-fifty. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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