Filed by The Dude on Monday, August 10, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
FLORIDA MAN ARRESTED AFTER WALKING A LEASHED FERAL HOG THROUGH A FAST FOOD DRIVE-THRU AT 3AM
FLORIDA MAN ARRESTED AFTER WALKING A LEASHED FERAL HOG THROUGH A FAST FOOD DRIVE-THRU AT 3AM PALATKA, FL — Dwayne Ruskin, 38, was arrested after walking a leashed feral hog through a fast food drive-thru lane on foot at 3 a.m., ordering two meals and specifying one was for the hog by name. Ruskin allegedly used a heavy tow chain as a leash, looped twice around the hog's neck order included two bacon deluxe meals, with the hog's fries listed separately at the window staff say he paid in full and left a $6 tip before deputies arrived surveillance footage shows the hog waiting calmly at the window for nearly two full minutes Ruskin reportedly told the cashier the dining room being closed left him "no other reasonable option" Employees say word spread through the store fast, with one worker calling coworkers on break to come see before the hog was even fully in frame. "We've had people walk up on foot before, we've had bicycles," said shift supervisor Dana Whitcomb, 5 years with the franchise. "We've never had a customer bring livestock through on a chain and order it its own combo." Ruskin was arrested for possessing a feral hog without a permit and disorderly conduct after deputies confirmed the animal had no tags, containment permit, or documented owner on file with the county. He reportedly asked if the hog could keep the leftover fries for the walk home, noting it had "earned them." Deputies say the hog was later transferred to a wildlife control officer, who confirmed it was in good health and unharmed by the entire ordeal. Some late-night orders come with a side of fries. This one came with a hog, a chain, and a full explanation nobody asked for. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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