Filed by The Dude on Tuesday, August 11, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
MAN, 67, BANNED FROM EVERY LOCATION OF A PIZZA CHAIN AFTER HIDING A FOLDING TABLE IN THE BATHROOM
MAN, 67, BANNED FROM EVERY LOCATION OF A PIZZA CHAIN AFTER HIDING A FOLDING TABLE IN THE BATHROOM TOLEDO, OHIO — Barry Oscarson, 67, was banned from every location of a regional pizza buffet chain Thursday after managers discovered he had been stashing a folding table and cooler in the restroom to extend his visits well past the posted two-hour limit. Regional management says the scheme first drew attention when a janitor found a fully assembled card table wedged behind the women's restroom door during a routine cleaning. Barry Oscarson, 67, allegedly stashed a folding table and cooler in the restroom before each visit He would reset his buffet timer by exiting and re-entering as a new customer Management say he repeated the routine across eleven separate locations Investigators say the cooler was stocked with drinks to avoid ordering from the counter Staff at one location said Oscarson had been doing this "every Sunday for at least a year" Employees said Oscarson had become something of a local mystery, a regular who somehow never seemed to leave despite table turnover all around him. One server said "we genuinely thought he just had a big family — turns out it was a card table and a cooler." "I've caught people sneaking in outside food, splitting one buffet plate between four people," said district manager Wanda Kohl. "Never someone furnishing our restroom like a second dining room to beat the clock." The folding table, still leaned against the wall when police arrived, reportedly declined to comment. He turned two hours into an all-day stay — now he's out of every location for good. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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