Filed by The Dude on Thursday, August 13, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
CALIFORNIA WOMAN FLOODS FOUNTAIN WITH RUBBER DUCKS — DECLARES HERSELF ‘DUCK QUEEN,’ DEMANDS TRIBUTE
CALIFORNIA WOMAN FLOODS FOUNTAIN WITH RUBBER DUCKS — DECLARES HERSELF ‘DUCK QUEEN,’ DEMANDS TRIBUTE LOS ANGELES — Bow down or get quacked on. Police say a California woman was apprehended after allegedly filling a public fountain with thousands of rubber ducks and glitter, proclaiming herself the “Duck Queen” and demanding tribute from passersby like it was a feathery medieval kingdom. Witnesses described the scene as part children’s bath time, part deranged coronation ceremony, with yellow ducks bobbing in glitter-filled water as the self-appointed monarch stood nearby, reportedly insisting the fountain was now under her rule. Authorities say the woman appeared fully committed to the role, treating the ducks as loyal subjects and the public as peasants who had failed to pay proper respect. Officers eventually shut down the royal splash zone, escorting the Duck Queen away and beginning the thankless task of removing glitter — a substance known to outlive empires. No ducks were harmed. No tribute was paid. The monarchy was short-lived. California remains a land where anyone can be royalty, briefly. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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