Filed by The Dude on Friday, August 14, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
MAN, 87, ARRESTED AFTER RUNNING AN UNLICENSED CLOCK REPAIR SHOP FROM HIS GARDEN SHED
MAN, 87, ARRESTED AFTER RUNNING AN UNLICENSED CLOCK REPAIR SHOP FROM HIS GARDEN SHED CONCORD, NEW HAMPSHIRE — Vernon Aldrich, 87, was arrested Tuesday after city code enforcement discovered he had been quietly repairing clocks and watches out of his backyard garden shed for nineteen years, never once holding a business permit. Officials say the shed had drawn attention after a regional museum's antique clocks were traced back to Aldrich, a name that appeared nowhere in any licensed repair registry. He allegedly repaired clocks and watches from his shed for nineteen years without a permit He tied a handwritten tag to every piece and never took payment until the owner was satisfied A regional museum had sent him three antique pieces that nobody else would attempt Investigators found dozens of finished clocks lining handmade shelves, each labeled and dated Aldrich reportedly worked strictly by referral, never advertising the shed's existence Neighbors said Aldrich had quietly become a local legend among antique dealers and collectors, known for fixing pieces that professional shops had turned away. One museum curator said "we sent him our hardest case, no questions asked, because nobody else in the state could touch it." "I've cited unlicensed contractors, unlicensed hair salons, one unlicensed dog groomer," said code enforcement officer Diane Whitcomb. "Never a nineteen-year unlicensed clock restoration operation trusted by an actual museum." The handwritten repair tags, dozens still tied to finished pieces, reportedly declined to comment. He kept perfect time for two decades — now the city's finally caught up with him. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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