Filed by The Dude on Saturday, August 15, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN CHARGED AFTER HIRING A BAGPIPE PLAYER TO SERENADE HER EX'S NEW GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE
WOMAN CHARGED AFTER HIRING A BAGPIPE PLAYER TO SERENADE HER EX'S NEW GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE SAVANNAH, GA — Fiona Delacroix, 29, was charged after hiring a professional bagpiper to perform outside her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend's house at 6 a.m. for four consecutive mornings, insisting the songs were "a tribute, not harassment." Neighbors said the piper arrived each day in full formal dress, played a slow, mournful set for exactly eleven minutes, then packed up without a word before driving away in a car with Delacroix waiting inside. Residents said the fourth performance drew a small crowd of confused onlookers filming from their porches. Police say Delacroix had booked the arrangement well in advance, and recovered the following items from her car: A signed contract with the piper specifying "funeral dirge tempo only" A handwritten setlist including a song titled "she took what was mine" A printed map marking the exact spot beneath the new girlfriend's bedroom window A thank-you card already written and addressed to the piper for later A note reading "FOUR MORNINGS SHOULD DO IT" tucked in the glovebox "I've booked events for eighteen years and taken plenty of unusual requests," said the piper's agency manager, Colm Reardon. "I've never had a client specifically request funeral tempo for a residential street at dawn." The new girlfriend's neighbors declined to comment on the music itself, though several confirmed it was "objectively well played." She wanted him to remember what he lost. The whole street woke up remembering instead. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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