Filed by The Dude on Monday, May 18, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN, 25, DETAINED AFTER SENDING HER EX-BOYFRIEND'S MOTHER A FACEBOOK FRIEND REQUEST 47 TIMES IN ONE WEEK AFTER BEING BLOCKED
WOMAN, 25, DETAINED AFTER SENDING HER EX-BOYFRIEND'S MOTHER A FACEBOOK FRIEND REQUEST 47 TIMES IN ONE WEEK AFTER BEING BLOCKED A Sunset City woman was allegedly detained Thursday after sending her ex-boyfriend's mother 47 Facebook friend requests over a 7-day period using 14 different accounts, each one created within minutes of being blocked. Cassidy Renner, 25, allegedly began the friend request campaign 11 days after her breakup with her ex-boyfriend Jeremy, when his mother Linda quietly removed her from Facebook without a comment. Linda told reporters she initially assumed the first re-request was an accident. "Cassidy and I were close for 3 years," Linda said. "I thought maybe Facebook had a glitch. I clicked decline. Then another one came in 4 minutes later." Over the next 7 days, Linda reportedly received friend requests from accounts including "Cass R," "Cassidy R.," "Cass Renner Official," "Linda's Future DIL," and one account simply named "Hi Linda It's Me." Each account allegedly used a slightly different profile photo of Cassidy, ranging from her college graduation to a recent gym selfie captioned "still her." The 22nd request reportedly included a personalized message reading, "Linda I know this is you. I know you're seeing these. Please. I made the lasagna." Linda allegedly screenshotted every request and forwarded the entire folder to her son Jeremy on Wednesday morning. Jeremy told reporters he was overwhelmed. "My mom sent me 47 screenshots in one text," Jeremy said. "She didn't say anything. She just sent them. Then she called me and asked if Cassidy was okay." By Thursday morning, Cassidy had reportedly created a 48th account titled "Just Linda's Friend" featuring a photo of a casserole dish she had cropped from a 2023 family Easter post. Officers arrived at Cassidy's apartment Thursday afternoon to find her uploading her 49th profile photo. "Cassidy was very calm," Officer Daniel Pruitt said. "She told us Linda was 'one click away from understanding everything.'" She was detained on charges of harassment and electronic stalking. #funny #comedy #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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