Filed by The Dude on Monday, May 18, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN, 30, ARRESTED AFTER SENDING HER EX-BOYFRIEND A VENMO REQUEST FOR $14,200 LABELED "EMOTIONAL DAMAGES, 2019-2024, ITEMIZED INVOICE ATTACHED
WOMAN, 30, ARRESTED AFTER SENDING HER EX-BOYFRIEND A VENMO REQUEST FOR $14,200 LABELED "EMOTIONAL DAMAGES, 2019-2024, ITEMIZED INVOICE ATTACHED A Sunset City woman was allegedly arrested Wednesday after sending her ex-boyfriend a Venmo request for $14,200 accompanied by a 6-page itemized invoice billing him for "5 years of emotional labor, weekends included." Brielle Vasquez, 30, reportedly sent the request at 11:47 PM Tuesday, less than 4 hours after learning her ex-boyfriend Brandon had gotten engaged to his current girlfriend over the weekend in Cabo. The Venmo note read in full: "Emotional damages, 2019-2024, itemized invoice attached." Brandon told reporters he initially assumed the request was a joke. "I opened it during a work meeting," Brandon said. "The note had a paperclip emoji. I tapped it. It was a real PDF." The attached invoice, reviewed by Metro 7 News, reportedly contained 41 separate line items spanning the full length of their relationship, including: — "Pretending to like your mother — $2,400" — "Listening to your fantasy football updates, 2021 season — $880" — "Saying your beard looked good — $1,100" — "Not telling you about Jessica — $3,500" — "Sex on your birthday in 2022 (Cabo trip — ironic) — $1,800" Brielle had reportedly itemized each charge with a date, location, and a one-sentence justification written in calm, professional language. The final page included a 14-day payment deadline, a Zelle backup option, and a handwritten note reading "Please don't make this awkward. — B." Brandon allegedly attempted to decline the request. Brielle reportedly sent it again. He blocked her. She created a new Venmo account. By Wednesday morning, Brandon had reportedly received the same request 19 times from 14 different accounts, each one slightly more itemized than the last. Officers arrived at Brielle's apartment Wednesday afternoon to find her calmly updating a spreadsheet on her laptop. "I asked her if she wanted to make a statement," Officer Daniel Pruitt said. "She said her statement was the invoice." She was arrested on charges of harassment and electronic stalking. The invoice remains in the cloud. #funny #comedy #satire
More From The Newsdesk
BREAKINGWAITRESS ARRESTED AFTER ALLEGEDLY DUMPING A WHOLE FRYER BASKET OF…
PROVIDENCE, RI — Authorities arrested Marconi's Italian Grill waitress Sophia Renata Vitaliano, 27, on Friday…
FLORIDAFLORIDA MAN ARRESTED AFTER STEALING POLICE CRUISER FROM WAFFLE HOUSE…
PENSACOLA, FL — A Florida man was arrested after police say he stole a patrol car from a Waffle House parking…
FLORIDAFLORIDA MAN ARRESTED AFTER ALLEGEDLY TRYING TO TRADE A LIVE IGUANA…
KISSIMMEE, FL — Authorities arrested Dale Beauford Patterson, 51, on Tuesday afternoon after he allegedly…
FILEDPANAMA CITY, FL — Jacob Tanner, 31, was detained Saturday morning…
According to the police report, Tanner sat at the counter, ordered an All-Star Special with extra hash…