Filed by The Dude on Tuesday, May 19, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN JAILED AFTER PUTTING UP A BILLBOARD NEAR HER EX-BOYFRIEND'S OFFICE THAT JUST SAID "HE STILL HAS MY TUPPERWARE"
WOMAN JAILED AFTER PUTTING UP A BILLBOARD NEAR HER EX-BOYFRIEND'S OFFICE THAT JUST SAID "HE STILL HAS MY TUPPERWARE" DALLAS, TX — Authorities arrested Sarah Eleanor Jensen, 29, on Tuesday morning after she allegedly paid $2,400 to rent a 14-foot digital billboard on North Stemmons Freeway, directly across from her ex-boyfriend's office, displaying a single sentence in bold white text: "HE STILL HAS MY TUPPERWARE." Witnesses say Jensen, wearing a black tank top and a tiny gold bar necklace, calmly told officers she had "negotiated a two-week run with no design fee" and considered it "a steal." According to the police report: - Jensen reportedly rented the billboard through a small independent ad agency and paid in full using her tax return - The sign included her ex-boyfriend's first name in smaller text underneath that read "you know who you are, Brent" - A coworker of Brent's, identified only as Madison from HR, told reporters the entire office had been gathering at the windows during lunch to "watch Brent watch the billboard" - Jensen allegedly upgraded to a second billboard 11 days later reading "STILL WAITING ON THE TUPPERWARE BRENT, AND THE GLASS PYREX" - Officers recovered the original contract, a printed mock-up labeled "VERSION 4, FINAL FOR REAL," and a Post-it on Jensen's fridge that read "the lids matter too" Sergeant Reggie Holloway, a 25-year veteran of the Dallas Police Department, addressed reporters at the scene. "In twenty-five years I have responded to public disputes, parking lot fights, and one ex who hired a plane to fly a banner. This is the first time I have logged a billboard rental as the weapon of choice. I am going home." She didn't text him or send a single passive aggressive email. She just rented a billboard and let twelve lanes of Dallas commuters ask Brent the same question every morning. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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