Filed by The Dude on Tuesday, May 19, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
FLORIDA MAN, 37, ARRESTED AFTER RIDING A KIDDIE POWER WHEELS BARBIE JEEP DOWN THE INTERSTATE AT 7 MPH WHILE WAVING AT TRUCKERS AND SIPPING A BUSCH LIGHT
FLORIDA MAN, 37, ARRESTED AFTER RIDING A KIDDIE POWER WHEELS BARBIE JEEP DOWN THE INTERSTATE AT 7 MPH WHILE WAVING AT TRUCKERS AND SIPPING A BUSCH LIGHT He didn't speed. He didn't swerve. He cruised down the southbound lanes of I-95 at exactly 7 miles per hour in a hot pink Barbie Jeep, one hand on the wheel and the other holding a cold one like he was on a parade float. MIAMI, FL — Jason Barnett, 37, told the trooper who finally pulled him over that he was "just getting some fresh air and waving at the boys." The boys, in this case, were 14 long-haul truckers who had already honked, filmed, and posted him to TikTok before the first patrol car even arrived. By the time the news drone caught up, Barnett was three exits deep into his journey and had a Bluetooth speaker zip-tied to the dashboard playing Kid Rock. What investigators pulled together is already the top post in six Miami-Dade Facebook groups: - Barnett reportedly purchased the Power Wheels Barbie Jeep secondhand on Facebook Marketplace for $40 from a mother in Hialeah who later told reporters "I assumed it was for a child, sir" - He allegedly upgraded the battery pack with a marine deep-cycle unit duct-taped to the back, extending the range "just enough to get to Pollo Tropical and back" - Witnesses say he was holding a fresh Busch Light in his left hand, with three more rolling around the passenger footwell next to a bag of boiled peanuts and a single flip-flop - One trucker, identified only as Big Country out of Valdosta reported Barnett saluted him "like a four-star general" as he passed - Barnett was caught only after he attempted to take the exit ramp for South Beach and the Jeep stalled halfway up the incline, leaving him rolling backward into the breakdown lane Sergeant Hector Delacruz, a 27-year veteran of the Florida Highway Patrol, addressed reporters at the scene. "In twenty-seven years I have logged stolen scooters, stolen golf carts, and one man who tried to ride a child's tricycle across the causeway. This is the first time I have written a report that lists the vehicle as 'pink, plastic, and named Barbie.' I am going home #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire
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