Filed by The Dude on Tuesday, May 19, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
OHIO WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER ALLEGEDLY THROWING HER HUSBAND'S PLAYSTATION INTO A LAKE BECAUSE HE FORGOT THEIR ANNIVERSARY FOR THE THIRD YEAR
OHIO WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER ALLEGEDLY THROWING HER HUSBAND'S PLAYSTATION INTO A LAKE BECAUSE HE FORGOT THEIR ANNIVERSARY FOR THE THIRD YEAR CLEVELAND, OH — Authorities arrested Madelyn Rose Brennaman, 32, on Sunday evening after she allegedly drove her husband's PlayStation 5, his headset, three controllers, and his collector's edition copy of Madden 24 to Edgewater Park and chucked the entire setup into Lake Erie because he forgot their wedding anniversary for the third year in a row. Witnesses say Brennaman, wearing an oversized Cleveland Browns hoodie, leggings, and one Hey Dude shoe, walked to the end of the pier with the calm of a woman who had given him exactly three chances. According to the police report: - Brennaman reportedly carried the PS5 in a reusable Giant Eagle grocery bag along with a printout of every Amazon order her husband had placed in the last 48 hours, none of which were a gift for her - She allegedly tossed the console first, the controllers second, and the Madden disc "frisbee style" while saying "we have been together six years Cody, six" - A jogger on the pier, identified only as Linda from Lakewood, recorded the entire scene while saying "she said the anniversary date out loud three times, this woman warned that man, the WATER is the witness" - Brennaman allegedly remained at the pier for an additional 12 minutes "to make sure it didn't float back" before driving home and ordering herself dinner from Olive Garden - Officers recovered a soaked PS5 controller, a floating Madden case, and a Post-it from Brennaman's purse that read "year one was a candle, year two was nothing, year three is the lake" Sergeant Doug Sczerbiak, a 26-year veteran of the Cleveland Police Department, addressed reporters at the scene. "In twenty-six years I have responded to thrown TVs, thrown phones, and one Xbox that ended up in a fire pit. This is the first time I have written 'submerged in Lake Erie' as the final resting place of a console. I am going home." She didn't yell at him or post a single passive aggressive story. She just drove to the lake and let Madden 24 sink to the bottom with her patience. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire
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