Filed by The Dude on Sunday, July 19, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER MAILING HERSELF TO VEGAS TO SAVE ON AIRFARE
WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER MAILING HERSELF TO VEGAS TO SAVE ON AIRFARE CALDWELL BEND, OR — Tara Nunnelly, 39, was arrested Wednesday after freight workers say she shipped herself inside a large wooden crate bound for Las Vegas, telling investigators she had done the math and airfare "was simply not worth it." Workers say the crate was flagged at a sorting facility after a handler reported hearing a cough coming from inside a shipment marked "OFFICE SUPPLIES." Investigators say the plan was uncomfortably thorough: She built the crate herself and stocked it with water, snacks, and a phone charger The shipping label listed the contents as "assorted binders, non-fragile" She had drilled 22 ventilation holes and covered them with mesh screen Total shipping cost was $88, compared to a $312 round-trip fare she had priced out She traveled roughly 400 miles before the crate was opened by facility staff A blanket and a small pillow were recovered from inside the crate She asked whether she could be "resealed and forwarded" once identified Facility workers reportedly stopped the entire sorting line to watch the crate be pried open in front of them. "She saved two hundred dollars and nearly gave a handler a heart attack," said freight operations lead Marcus Vandiver, a 20-year veteran of the company. "You cannot mail a person. That is not a loophole." The wooden crate, now in evidence, declined to comment. She only wanted a cheap trip to Vegas. She got a very long ride and a charge. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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