Filed by The Dude on Thursday, July 16, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
Woman Arrested After Hiring a Bagpiper to Surprise Her Ex Outside His Window at Sunrise
Woman Arrested After Hiring a Bagpiper to Surprise Her Ex Outside His Window at Sunrise PORTLAND, ME — A Maine woman is facing charges after police say she hired a professional bagpiper to perform beneath her ex-boyfriend's bedroom window at sunrise every Saturday for nearly two months in what she described as "a very loud closure ceremony." Authorities say 27-year-old Kayla Morgan booked the same local musician seven weekends in a row, instructing him to begin playing precisely at 5:58 a.m.—the exact moment her ex normally slept in. Neighbors initially believed the performances were part of a cultural celebration until they realized the bagpiper was always staring directly at the same bedroom window. Investigators say Kayla supplied a playlist that included increasingly dramatic tunes along with handwritten cue cards instructing the musician when to pause for "maximum emotional impact." Police were called after nearby residents began setting alarms based on the performances because, as one neighbor put it, "If the pipes are playing, it's definitely Saturday." When officers arrived, Kayla allegedly asked whether they could "just let him finish this last song." The bagpiper reportedly apologized, explaining he'd been told it was a surprise birthday tradition. Police say the ex slept through six of the seven performances. The only person consistently awake, according to neighbors, was the man living across the street, who eventually began bringing lawn chairs to watch the weekly spectacle. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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