Filed by The Dude on Sunday, August 9, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
FLORIDA MAN ARRESTED AFTER WALKING A LEASHED IGUANA THROUGH A TARGET ELECTRONICS AISLE, CLAIMS IT WAS A "LIZARD DOG"
FLORIDA MAN ARRESTED AFTER WALKING A LEASHED IGUANA THROUGH A TARGET ELECTRONICS AISLE, CLAIMS IT WAS A "LIZARD DOG" OCALA, FL — Wade Kessling, 44, was arrested after walking a fully leashed iguana through the electronics aisle of a Target, telling staff the animal was leash-trained and needed socialization since "the park was closed." iguana wore a small harness with a name tag reading "CHIEF" Kessling reportedly walked the animal through four aisles before an employee flagged it to management he allegedly told staff Chief was a "lizard dog" and technically calmer than most actual dogs store's pet policy sign, posted at the front entrance, was allegedly pointed out to him twice Chief was found perched on a shopping cart handle when security arrived, tail draped over the child seat Store employees say several customers initially assumed Chief was a store display before he blinked and shifted position, prompting more than one dropped phone in the aisle. "We've had people bring in emotional support animals with paperwork," said loss prevention officer Dana Ruiz, 9 years with the store. "We've never had someone argue an iguana counts as a dog on a technicality." Kessling was cited for trespassing after refusing to leave with the animal and was escorted out along with Chief, placed in a produce box for the walk out. He reportedly asked if he could finish his shopping list first, offering to leave Chief at the desk as collateral. The store has since posted an additional sign clarifying that reptiles do not qualify under any service animal exemption, regardless of leash training. Some people bring dogs to the store. Wade brought a lizard and a very confident argument. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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