Filed by The Dude on Monday, August 10, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN, 88, CITED AFTER BORROWING A DELIVERY TRUCK FROM OUTSIDE HER HOUSE WHILE THE DRIVER WAS AT THE DOOR
WOMAN, 88, CITED AFTER BORROWING A DELIVERY TRUCK FROM OUTSIDE HER HOUSE WHILE THE DRIVER WAS AT THE DOOR MAPLE CREST, OH — Eleanor Vance, 88, was cited after climbing into an idling delivery truck parked outside her home and driving it to a corner pharmacy and back, all while the driver was still at her front door dropping off a package. Vance allegedly drove the truck roughly 0.8 miles round trip in just under nine minutes she returned the vehicle to the exact same spot, engine still running, before the driver had finished the delivery a handwritten list found on the passenger seat read "ASPIRIN, STAMPS, HARD CANDY" driver reportedly noticed the truck had moved only after stepping back outside and seeing fresh tire marks Vance told deputies she "just needed a few things" and didn't want to trouble anyone for a ride Neighbors say they watched the entire event unfold from a porch across the street, initially assuming the driver had simply repositioned the truck himself. "I've had trucks stolen for parts, I've had trucks stolen and abandoned," said Deputy Ray Holcomb, 16 years with the county. "I've never had one borrowed, used for errands, and returned before the driver noticed it left." Vance was cited for unauthorized use of a vehicle and released without further incident, though the delivery company has since flagged her address for "driver awareness" on future stops. She reportedly thanked the driver for "such a smooth ride" before he could finish writing up the incident report, and asked whether the same truck would be back next week. Some people wait for a ride. Eleanor just took the truck, ran her errands, and put it back exactly where she found it. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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