Filed by The Dude on Tuesday, August 11, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN, 85, ARRESTED AFTER TAKING A DELIVERY TRUCK WHILE THE DRIVER WAS AT HER FRONT DOOR
WOMAN, 85, ARRESTED AFTER TAKING A DELIVERY TRUCK WHILE THE DRIVER WAS AT HER FRONT DOOR BUFFALO, NEW YORK — Doris Kellerman, 85, was arrested Friday after climbing into an idling delivery truck and driving off down her own street while the driver was still standing on her porch handing off a package. She allegedly climbed into the driver's seat while the truck was left running Witnesses say the driver sprinted after the truck still holding her delivered package Deputies caught up to the truck less than half a mile from her house Investigators say she had never driven a commercial vehicle in her life Kellerman reportedly told officers she "just wanted to see how it felt" One neighbor said "she's never even had a speeding ticket, and suddenly she's Grand Theft Auto." "I've responded to actual vehicle thefts, high-speed chases, the works," said Deputy Colin Ashford. "Never one where the 'suspect' was an eighty-five-year-old still expecting her package." The delivery truck, engine still running when recovered, reportedly declined to comment. She wanted a joyride, not a getaway — the getaway found her anyway. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
More From The Newsdesk
FILEDMAN, 91, CITED AFTER DRIVING HIS NEIGHBOR'S RIDING MOWER FOUR MILES…
MARION, OHIO — Elmer Rasch, 91, was cited Tuesday after deputies pulled him over on a busy stretch of…
FILEDMAN, 87, ARRESTED AFTER TURNING THE RETIREMENT HOME LIBRARY INTO A…
RIVER VIEW, PENNSYLVANIA — Earl Dunmore, 87, was arrested Wednesday after staff at his retirement community…
FILEDWOMAN, 80, CHARGED AFTER RUNNING A SECRET BLACKJACK OPERATION INSIDE…
WACO, TEXAS — Verna Cottrill, 80, was charged Thursday after church leadership discovered her weekly quilting…
FILEDMAN, 82, ARRESTED AFTER PRINTING COUNTERFEIT LOYALTY PUNCH CARDS FOR…
MILLTOWN, PENNSYLVANIA — Harold Keen, 82, was arrested Wednesday after investigators traced a three-year…