Filed by The Dude on Tuesday, August 11, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
MAN, 91, CITED AFTER DRIVING HIS NEIGHBOR'S RIDING MOWER FOUR MILES TO A PHARMACY
MAN, 91, CITED AFTER DRIVING HIS NEIGHBOR'S RIDING MOWER FOUR MILES TO A PHARMACY MARION, OHIO — Elmer Rasch, 91, was cited Tuesday after deputies pulled him over on a busy stretch of highway, discovering he had driven his neighbor's riding lawn mower a full four miles into town to pick up a prescription. He allegedly borrowed the mower without asking after his own car wouldn't start Witnesses say he maintained a steady five miles per hour the entire route Deputies say he had his prescription list tucked in his shirt pocket the whole way Investigators confirmed the mower was never street-legal in any capacity Rasch reportedly refused a ride home, insisting he'd "come this far already" One onlooker said "he had his blinker on the whole time — more considerate than half the drivers out here." "I've pulled over golf carts, ATVs, one guy on a motorized cooler," said Deputy Hal Brennerman. "Never a riding mower on a four-mile pharmacy run with a full stop at every intersection." The neighbor's mower, keys still in the ignition, reportedly declined to comment. He needed his medication and had a mower with a full tank — logic checked out to him. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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