Filed by The Dude on Wednesday, August 12, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN, 88, CHARGED AFTER USING THE SAME FREE BIRTHDAY MEAL COUPON AT 31 LOCATIONS IN ONE WEEK
WOMAN, 88, CHARGED AFTER USING THE SAME FREE BIRTHDAY MEAL COUPON AT 31 LOCATIONS IN ONE WEEK DAYTON, OHIO — Eleanor Purdy, 88, was charged Wednesday after a restaurant chain's fraud department discovered she had used the exact same free birthday meal coupon at 31 different locations across the region within a single week, photocopying the original well ahead of time. The chain's fraud team flagged the pattern only after processing all 31 identical redemptions and cross-referencing loyalty accounts tied to the same name. She allegedly photocopied the original coupon dozens of times before her actual birthday Investigators say she visited a new location almost every day for a week straight Loyalty records show her birthday listed differently at several of the locations Purdy reportedly told staff each time that "it's still technically my birthday month" The chain's fraud team flagged the pattern after processing 31 identical redemptions Employees across the chain said Purdy's visits followed an eerily consistent script, ordering the same free entree and thanking staff warmly before leaving each time. One manager said "we all thought it was sweet, an old woman celebrating her birthday, until corporate called." "I've investigated coupon fraud, gift card fraud, one loyalty point scheme run by three siblings," said fraud investigator Miles Overby. "Never thirty-one identical birthday redemptions from the same customer inside seven days." The photocopied coupon, faded from repeated use, reportedly declined to comment. She stretched one birthday across an entire week — the chain's finally closing the loophole for good. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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