Filed by The Dude on Saturday, August 8, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
FLORIDA MAN CITED AFTER BRINGING A PET COYOTE INTO A HOME STORE TO TEST DOG BEDS FOR FIT
FLORIDA MAN CITED AFTER BRINGING A PET COYOTE INTO A HOME STORE TO TEST DOG BEDS FOR FIT TAMPA, FL — Rusty Blankenship, 44, was cited after bringing a leashed coyote into a home goods store and testing four separate dog beds before staff realized the animal was not a dog. Store employees said Blankenship walked the coyote through the pet aisle on a standard leash, kneeling beside each bed to check the fit while curious shoppers gathered nearby, several pulling out their phones to record. Tested four separate dog beds by having the coyote circle and lie down in each Told an employee the animal was "a rescue mix, part shepherd" Compared cushion thickness across two Kirkland-brand beds before deciding Let the coyote sniff and paw at merchandise on nearby shelves Was still shopping calmly when wildlife officers arrived and confirmed the animal was fully wild Witnesses said the coyote appeared remarkably relaxed throughout the ordeal, curling up in the display beds as though it were an ordinary house pet. "In seventeen years working wildlife calls I've handled loose animals wandering into stores before, but never a full wild coyote being bed-shopped calmly on a leash," said wildlife officer Trent Ableson, 46, filling out the citation. He shopped for cushions with a coyote in tow, tested four beds before the wild truth would show. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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