Filed by The Dude on Saturday, August 8, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN, 91, ARRESTED AFTER POSING AS A LIBRARY DIRECTOR AND REORGANIZING THE ENTIRE COLLECTION BY HER OWN SYSTEM
WOMAN, 91, ARRESTED AFTER POSING AS A LIBRARY DIRECTOR AND REORGANIZING THE ENTIRE COLLECTION BY HER OWN SYSTEM ASHEVILLE, NC — Verna Cottrill, 91, was arrested after posing as the library director and replacing the entire Dewey Decimal System with a personal ranking method she called "the Hadley Method," sorting fiction purely by how much she personally enjoyed each title. Staff said Cottrill clipped a handmade "Director" badge to her cardigan and spent eleven days re-shelving fiction according to a ten-point enjoyment scale drafted on graph paper. Created a ten-tier scale from "I couldn't put it down" down to "couldn't finish" Relabeled shelf ranges by enjoyment rating instead of author or title Kept book series shelved together "regardless of number" per her own rule Left handwritten spine labels reading "Meh" and "Didn't Like It" on random titles Was caught after a staff member filed an incident report citing "multiple sections affected" Library staff said it took eleven full days to restore the collection to its original Dewey Decimal order, with several regulars asking whether "the Hadley Method" could stay permanently. "In twenty years managing this branch I've dealt with misshelved returns, but never an entire personal rating system replacing the actual catalog," said library director Owen Faraday, 54. She ranked the shelves by her own private taste, took eleven days to undo without haste. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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