Filed by The Dude on Saturday, August 8, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
FLORIDA MAN ARRESTED AFTER WALKING A SIX-FOOT MONITOR LIZARD THROUGH A SHOPPING MALL ON A HARNESS
FLORIDA MAN ARRESTED AFTER WALKING A SIX-FOOT MONITOR LIZARD THROUGH A SHOPPING MALL ON A HARNESS ORLANDO, FL — Dustin Calloway, 33, was arrested after walking a six-foot pet monitor lizard on a full harness through a shopping mall, making it past four stores before security caught up to him. Mall staff said Calloway strolled calmly down the main concourse with the lizard leading the way on a leash, prompting shoppers to scatter and several to pull out their phones to record. Walked the six-foot monitor lizard on a full body harness through the main concourse Made it past four separate storefronts before security reached him Told officers the lizard "needed exercise" and it was "too hot outside" for a walk Caused three nearby stores to briefly close their doors during the incident Was escorted to the security office still holding the leash and harness Shoppers said the lizard's tongue flicking in and out drew a small crowd of stunned onlookers, several children shrieking before parents pulled them back toward the storefronts. "In eleven years working mall security I've dealt with disruptive shoppers, but never a six-foot lizard on a leash making it past four stores before we caught up," said security officer Devon Marsh, badge 187. He walked his lizard past Macy's like it was a park, got stopped near the food court before things got stark. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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