Filed by The Dude on Saturday, August 8, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN, 92, CITED AFTER ATTEMPTING TO DRIVE HER GOLF CART ONTO A HIGHWAY ON-RAMP
WOMAN, 92, CITED AFTER ATTEMPTING TO DRIVE HER GOLF CART ONTO A HIGHWAY ON-RAMP OCALA, FL — Vivian Petrosky, 92, was cited after attempting to drive her personal golf cart onto a highway on-ramp, telling the responding trooper she was "taking the scenic route" to her granddaughter's house. Troopers said Petrosky had turned off the community's golf cart path and merged directly onto the on-ramp, prompting several honking drivers before a trooper caught up and activated his lights. Merged the golf cart directly onto the on-ramp during afternoon traffic Reached a top speed of roughly 14 miles per hour the entire time Told the trooper the golf cart "has a horn, so it's basically street legal" Had a bag of oranges and a folded road map on the passenger seat Refused to turn around until the trooper physically blocked the ramp with his cruiser Witnesses said several highway drivers slowed to a crawl behind the golf cart, unsure whether to pass or simply follow it at walking speed until help arrived. "In twenty-six years patrolling this stretch I've cleared stalled cars and road debris, but never a golf cart merging onto the on-ramp at fourteen miles an hour," said Trooper Dale Whitcomb, 44, escorting her back to the community gate. She merged her golf cart into eighteen-wheeler traffic, took the on-ramp exit before the trooper caught her at it. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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