Filed by The Dude on Saturday, August 15, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN DETAINED AFTER RELEASING 200 CRICKETS INTO HER EX'S APARTMENT ON VALENTINE'S DAY
WOMAN DETAINED AFTER RELEASING 200 CRICKETS INTO HER EX'S APARTMENT ON VALENTINE'S DAY ASHEVILLE, NC — Paige Munroe, 26, was detained after using a spare key to enter her ex-boyfriend's apartment on Valentine's Day and release 200 live crickets purchased from a reptile supply store, then relocking the door and leaving before he got home. Neighbors said the chirping was audible in the hallway by early evening, growing louder as the apartment warmed up overnight. Maintenance was called after the man reported what he described as "a wall of sound" coming from every closet, vent, and cabinet in his unit. Police say Munroe had planned the release with real intention, and recovered the following items from her car: A receipt for exactly 200 live crickets, purchased same-day A spare apartment key she had never returned after the breakup A handwritten card reading "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, LISTEN CLOSELY" A mesh release bag still smelling faintly of the pet store A printed guide titled "CRICKET HABITAT BASICS," annotated in pen "I've managed pest calls for fifteen years and handled plenty of infestations," said maintenance supervisor Louis Perrault. "I've never had one traced back to a deliberate, receipted delivery of exactly 200 crickets." The apartment's HVAC system declined to comment on the spread, though staff confirmed the chirping was audible through three floors by midnight. She wanted him to remember the holiday. He'll be finding crickets until spring. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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