Filed by The Dude on Tuesday, September 1, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
77-YEAR-OLD WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER SELLING HOMEMADE WINE OUT OF A WALKER
77-YEAR-OLD WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER SELLING HOMEMADE WINE OUT OF A WALKER ASHEVILLE, NC — Doris Kettleman, 77, was arrested after investigators discovered she had been selling unlicensed homemade wine out of small bottles concealed in the basket of her walker, operating a quiet delivery route throughout her senior living community. Neighbors say Doris had built a loyal customer base over several months, wheeling her walker door to door with bottles tucked beneath a folded blanket to avoid detection. Concealed wine bottles beneath a blanket in her walker's front basket Delivered orders directly to residents' apartment doors on a set schedule Charged eight dollars per bottle, ten for a "reserve" batch Kept a small order notebook disguised as a crossword puzzle book Denied any wrongdoing, calling it "just neighborly hospitality" Offered a "loyalty discount" for residents ordering three bottles or more Labeled each bottle by hand with flavor notes like "Tuesday Batch" Fellow residents reportedly had no idea the wine was homemade, several assuming Doris had simply found a good deal at a nearby store. Code enforcement officer Marla Restrepo, nine years on the job, said, "I've cited unlicensed lemonade stands before. I've never cited an unlicensed wine delivery route run out of a walker basket." The walker, its basket now empty, declined to comment. Doris's wine route has since been shut down, her regular customers left searching for a new supplier. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
More From The Newsdesk
FILEDMAN, 91, ARRESTED AFTER TRYING TO RETURN A TV HE BOUGHT IN 1987
DAYTON, OH — Harold Winslow, 91, was arrested after refusing to leave an electronics store's customer service…
FILEDWOMAN ARRESTED AFTER HIRING A CLOWN TO ATTEND EVERY ONE OF HER EX'S…
DENVER, CO — Priya Chandaria, 29, was arrested after hiring a professional clown to attend every one of her…
FLORIDAFLORIDA COUPLE ARRESTED AFTER PICKLEBALL BRAWL INVOLVING GOLF CART…
NAPLES, FL — Gregory and Anneliese Farrow, both in their forties, were arrested after a disputed line call…
FILEDMONTANA WOMAN CITED AFTER SELLING "AUTHENTIC MOUNTAIN AIR" IN MASON…
WHITEFISH, MT — Kayla Brennerman, 31, was cited after setting up a roadside stand selling sealed mason jars…