Filed by The Dude on Wednesday, September 2, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
MAN ARRESTED FOR GOING INTO A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT ONCE A DAY FOR A MONTH TO REFILL HIS SODA FOR FREE
MAN ARRESTED FOR GOING INTO A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT ONCE A DAY FOR A MONTH TO REFILL HIS SODA FOR FREE DES MOINES, IA — Colton Braddock, 30, was arrested after employees realized he had been walking into the same fast food restaurant once a day for an entire month, filling the same souvenir cup at the self-serve station without ever making a purchase. Staff say Colton had become a familiar face at the counter, always empty-handed except for the same worn souvenir cup, walking straight past the register toward the drink station each visit. Visited the same location once a day for thirty consecutive days Used the same souvenir cup purchased once nearly a year earlier Walked directly past the register without ordering anything Insisted the original purchase entitled him to "lifetime refills" Continued the routine even after being asked to stop twice by staff Argued the cup's logo "hadn't changed," so the policy shouldn't have either Offered to show the original faded receipt as proof of his one purchase Employees reportedly began tracking his visits on a calendar behind the counter once the pattern became too consistent to ignore. Store manager Renee Castillo, nine years in food service, said, "I've dealt with people stretching free refills before. I've never had someone treat a one-time purchase as a monthly all-access pass." The souvenir cup, now confiscated, declined to comment. Colton has since been banned from the location, his thirty-day free refill streak officially ended. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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