Filed by The Dude on Wednesday, September 30, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
CITY CONSIDERS REQUIRING MEN UNDER 5’8” TO USE A CAR SEAT
CITY CONSIDERS REQUIRING MEN UNDER 5’8” TO USE A CAR SEAT SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — A proposed car-seat rule for men under 5'8" set off an argument before anyone could explain what problem it was supposed to solve. The draft mentioned visibility over the dashboard. It did not explain why adult drivers were being measured like children at an amusement park. Evan Mills, 29, arrived at the public meeting with a tape measure and demanded to know whether shoes counted. Another resident asked if a man could avoid the seat by claiming to be 5'9" on a dating profile. The committee chair tried to bring the discussion back to traffic safety; the room kept returning to height fraud. Supporters said a booster could help shorter drivers see clearly. Critics said adjusting the actual car seat already existed and did not require a new ordinance or public measuring line. By the end of the hearing, nobody agreed on the rule. Everyone agreed the city should stop asking strangers to stand against a wall to settle it. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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