Filed by The Dude on Saturday, September 19, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
POLICE SAY A MAN WITH NO HANDS AND NO LEGS IS ARMED AND ON THE RUN
POLICE SAY A MAN WITH NO HANDS AND NO LEGS IS ARMED AND ON THE RUN LANSING, MICHIGAN — A police notice described Owen Mercer, 41, as “armed and on the run.” Readers stopped there. The same notice also said Mercer had no hands and no legs, leaving people to ask whether the phrase had been copied from a standard form without anyone reading it back. Officials offered no immediate explanation for the wording. That silence gave the public more material than a press conference might have. Some readers called the description careless; others said the physical details were irrelevant if there was a legitimate safety concern. Nobody could tell from the notice what officers actually meant. A revised description could have cleared up the issue in one sentence. Instead, screenshots of the original circulated while people argued over how a person could be accurately identified and so badly described at the same time. The only thing moving faster than the search notice was the comment section. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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