ON AIR
TRUMP RENAMES CHIHUAHUAS “POCKET PATRIOTS” AFTER ONE REFUSES TO LEAVE HIS CHAIRDEATH ROW INMATE DIES FROM SHELLFISH ALLERGY AFTER CHOOSING SHRIMP COCKTAIL AS HIS FINAL MEALHOMEOWNER CALLS ICE TO AVOID PAYING WORKERS—THEY TAKE BACK THE FENCETRUMP RENAMES DR PEPPER “SURGEON GENERAL PEPPER” AFTER PROMOTING IT AT LUNCHVANILLA ICE ANNOUNCES HE WILL OPEN FOR ED SHEERANTRUMP RENAMES CHIHUAHUAS “POCKET PATRIOTS” AFTER ONE REFUSES TO LEAVE HIS CHAIRDEATH ROW INMATE DIES FROM SHELLFISH ALLERGY AFTER CHOOSING SHRIMP COCKTAIL AS HIS FINAL MEALHOMEOWNER CALLS ICE TO AVOID PAYING WORKERS—THEY TAKE BACK THE FENCETRUMP RENAMES DR PEPPER “SURGEON GENERAL PEPPER” AFTER PROMOTING IT AT LUNCHVANILLA ICE ANNOUNCES HE WILL OPEN FOR ED SHEERAN
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Filed by The Dude on Saturday, September 19, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]

★ BREAKINGFILEDFILED 2H AGO

TEXAS TO REQUIRE BOOSTER SEATS IN RESTAURANTS FOR ADULTS UNDER 5′2″

TEXAS TO REQUIRE BOOSTER SEATS IN RESTAURANTS FOR ADULTS UNDER 5′2″

TEXAS TO REQUIRE BOOSTER SEATS IN RESTAURANTS FOR ADULTS UNDER 5′2″ Dinner in Texas now comes with an extra question for diners under five feet two: would they like a window seat, a booth or assistance climbing into their booster? The restaurant seating rule has turned date night into a negotiation about dignity. One woman arrived expecting steak and was presented with a padded cushion large enough to count as a carry-on bag. Her boyfriend called it an upgrade. She asked whether he would like to finish the evening paying for two separate taxis. The table was easier to reach. The bread basket was perfectly positioned. She has asked everyone to stop mentioning those benefits. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY

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▍ THIS HAS BEEN ▍

THEDUDE
HUMOR REPORT

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