Filed by The Dude on Sunday, September 27, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER HIRING A MARIACHI BAND TO FOLLOW HER EX AT WORK FOR 35 STRAIGHT DAYS
WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER HIRING A MARIACHI BAND TO FOLLOW HER EX AT WORK FOR 35 STRAIGHT DAYS PHOENIX, AZ — A woman was arrested Friday after allegedly spending nearly two months hiring a full mariachi band to appear outside her ex-boyfriend's office every single Friday afternoon. Police say 32-year-old Brianna Lopez began the campaign three weeks after being dumped by financial analyst Trevor Mills, who reportedly told her he "needed some space." According to investigators, Lopez interpreted that statement differently. Every Friday at exactly 4:57 PM, a six-piece mariachi band would reportedly arrive outside Trevor's office building and perform romantic breakup songs at maximum volume as employees left for the weekend. Witnesses say the first week was funny. The second week was awkward. By week five, coworkers were allegedly bringing lawn chairs. Police reports claim the band performed favorites including: "You Broke My Heart" "You Owe Me Closure" "Call Me Back Trevor" One musician reportedly carried a giant photo of Trevor while playing trumpet. Things escalated when Trevor attempted to leave through a side exit. The band was allegedly waiting there too. Investigators say Lopez had been tracking his weekly routine using information gathered from former coworkers, LinkedIn updates, and what she called "basic detective work." She was finally arrested after reportedly upgrading the package to include matching jackets featuring Trevor's face and the phrase: "HE FUMBLED." Employees reportedly gave the band a standing ovation as police arrived. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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