Filed by The Dude on Sunday, September 27, 2026 — a satirical eyewitness report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
Man Arrested After Staying at a Buffet So Long the Staff Changed Shifts Twice
Man Arrested After Staying at a Buffet So Long the Staff Changed Shifts Twice BRANSON, MO — A Missouri man was arrested after allegedly spending more than 13 consecutive hours inside an all-you-can-eat buffet, refusing to leave because he claimed he was "still getting his money's worth." According to police, 46-year-old Larry Donahue arrived shortly after the restaurant opened and remained seated through breakfast, lunch, dinner, and the beginning of the evening dessert service. Employees say Larry developed a routine that included eating three plates, taking a fifteen-minute walk around the restaurant, complimenting the décor, then returning for another round. Security footage reportedly shows him applauding when fresh fried chicken arrived and standing near the kitchen whenever a new tray was wheeled out. Managers became concerned after the breakfast staff clocked out, the lunch crew finished their shifts, and the evening employees introduced themselves to Larry as if he were a regular coworker. Police say Larry even helped another customer locate the mashed potatoes and answered questions about where the clean plates were kept. When staff finally informed him the restaurant was closing, he allegedly replied, "Perfect—I was just about to start dessert." Deputies escorted him outside after he attempted to negotiate "one final lap around the buffet." Restaurant employees later admitted he'd become so familiar that several new hires assumed he was the assistant manager. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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