Filed by The Dude on Sunday, September 27, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN REPORTS CHEATING IMMIGRANT BOYFRIEND TO ICE—HE ACTUALLY GETS DEPORTED
WOMAN REPORTS CHEATING IMMIGRANT BOYFRIEND TO ICE—HE ACTUALLY GETS DEPORTED Adrian Vale told his girlfriend she was making too much of a few messages. Months later, he was trying to explain why the breakup had ended with him leaving the country. �The 29-year-old had been living with Vanessa Cole in Tampa, Florida, when she found a second relationship running alongside theirs. The other woman had apparently been hearing the same promises, seeing the same weekend selfies and wondering why Adrian could never stay over on certain nights. Vanessa initially wanted an explanation. Adrian offered several. The messages were old. The pictures meant nothing. The other woman misunderstood him. Unfortunately, every new explanation required Vanessa to forget the one he had delivered thirty seconds earlier. Then she reported him to ICE. What started as a private argument became an immigration matter, and Adrian was eventually deported. By that point, even Vanessa's friends were divided over how far the retaliation had gone. One friend thought Adrian had gambled with everything he had and lost. Another told Vanessa that ending a relationship and trying to upend somebody's entire life were two different decisions. Vanessa said they were welcome to forgive him themselves. She had already done enough of that while they were together. Adrian's biggest problem in the relationship had always been assuming he could talk his way through the next discovery. He sent another long apology, explaining that he finally understood the consequences. Vanessa noticed he still described the affair as a misunderstanding, which suggested at least one lesson had failed to travel with him. The other woman wanted no part of the reunion attempt either. Once the two compared dates, Adrian's elaborate calendar turned out to be the only thing in either relationship he had consistently maintained. He had told Vanessa he needed some space. She had taken that request far beyond anything either of them imagined during the argument. Now their mutual friends were stuck debating a breakup in which almost everybody agreed he cheated and almost nobody agreed on the punishment.
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