Filed by The Dude on Saturday, July 18, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
BUFFET WORKERS SAY MAN ASKED WHERE THE "SECOND BUFFET" WAS AFTER FINISHING THE FIRST ONE
BUFFET WORKERS SAY MAN ASKED WHERE THE "SECOND BUFFET" WAS AFTER FINISHING THE FIRST ONE TIMBER GLEN, MO — Curtis Ashby, 40, was detained Thursday after buffet workers say he calmly finished the restaurant's entire hot bar and then asked a server to direct him to "the second buffet in the back." Staff say the man appeared genuinely confused, even a little hurt, when informed that the buffet he had just emptied was, in fact, the only buffet the establishment offered. Employees describe an increasingly surreal afternoon: He worked through all six warming trays in order, "like a man clearing levels in a game" He complimented the fried chicken, then asked where the "real chicken" was kept Staff found he had been keeping a running tally on a napkin labeled "buffet one of two" He requested a map of the building "to locate the overflow section" He accused the salad bar of being a "decoy" to distract from the main event When told there was no second buffet, he asked to "speak to whoever hid it" Other diners reportedly overheard the entire exchange and "lost all appetite out of what witnesses could only describe as pure respect." "We have one buffet. We have always had exactly one buffet," said assistant manager Lorne Feltz, a 16-year veteran of the restaurant. "This man believed in a second buffet the way other people believe in an afterlife." The freshly emptied hot bar could not be reached for comment. He finished the first. He mourned the second. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
More From The Newsdesk
FLORIDAFLORIDA MAN LOCKED INSIDE HOME DEPOT OVERNIGHT FOUND LIVING IN A…
TAMPA, Fla. — Customers arriving for the morning rush at a Florida Home Depot got more than discounted lumber…
FILEDA NEW LOOK: WOMAN ARRESTED FOR REPLACING HIS ENTIRE WARDROBE WITH…
All 41 pairs of his work pants were donated to a church rummage sale under his own name His sock drawer was…
FILEDMAN ARRESTED AFTER HIDING UNDER DESSERT TABLE UNTIL SEAFOOD NIGHT…
MARLOW BEND, SC — Dwight Kesselring, 42, was arrested Friday after buffet staff discovered him hiding beneath…
FILEDBUFFET CUSTOMER ARRESTED AFTER SLEEPING OVERNIGHT IN BATHROOM TO BE…
PLEASANT KNOLL, KY — Tammy Ruddick, 44, was arrested Monday after staff discovered she had spent the entire…