Filed by The Dude on Saturday, July 18, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
BUFFET CUSTOMER ARRESTED AFTER SLEEPING OVERNIGHT IN BATHROOM TO BE FIRST IN LINE FOR BREAKFAST
BUFFET CUSTOMER ARRESTED AFTER SLEEPING OVERNIGHT IN BATHROOM TO BE FIRST IN LINE FOR BREAKFAST PLEASANT KNOLL, KY — Tammy Ruddick, 44, was arrested Monday after staff discovered she had spent the entire night locked inside a buffet restroom to guarantee she would be first at the breakfast bar. Employees found her at 6:14 a.m., fully dressed and holding a plate, standing at the omelet station "like she had been there for hours," because she had. Managers say the overnight stay was surprisingly well-supplied: She had brought a sleeping bag, a travel pillow, and a printed breakfast schedule Staff found an air freshener, a nightlight, and a handmade sign reading "occupied until bacon" She camped near the biscuit warmer specifically because it "ran warm all night" A cooler held $38 in snacks to "get her through" until the doors reopened She had set three separate phone alarms labeled "sausage," "eggs," and "go time" She insisted she never left, and therefore never technically stopped being a customer Morning diners reported walking in to find a woman already several plates deep before the lights were even fully on. "We open at seven. She opened at midnight," said breakfast supervisor Gary Punt, who has managed the shift for 21 years. "First in line is a goal. It is not supposed to be a lifestyle." The restroom, when reached for comment, requested a moment alone. She only wanted the very first plate. She wound up earning herself an arrest warrant. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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