Filed by The Dude on Sunday, July 19, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER REFUSING TO LEAVE A BOTTOMLESS BRUNCH SIX HOURS AFTER IT ENDED
WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER REFUSING TO LEAVE A BOTTOMLESS BRUNCH SIX HOURS AFTER IT ENDED HAVERSTOCK, RI — Renee Callister, 37, was arrested Sunday after restaurant staff say she refused to leave a bottomless brunch nearly six hours after service had officially ended, insisting the word "bottomless" was legally binding. Employees say she remained seated at table 12 through the entire dinner rush, holding an empty mimosa glass and periodically raising it toward the bar. Managers describe a slow-motion standoff: Brunch ended at 2 p.m. She was still seated at 7:48 p.m., in the same chair She argued that "bottomless has no stated end time" and asked to see the menu again Staff attempted to reset the table around her three separate times She ordered a single side of potatoes at 5 p.m. purely to "keep the ticket open" Servers documented six separate requests for "one more round, then I swear" She showed the manager a photo of the sidewalk sign as evidence of a contract Dinner guests were seated at the table beside her while she remained mid-argument Diners at surrounding tables reportedly began openly cheering when she was finally escorted toward the front door, still seated in spirit. "Bottomless refers to the drinks. It has never referred to the day," said restaurant manager Paul Descoteaux, who has run the dining room for 20 years. "She outlasted two full staff shifts." The empty mimosa glass, still in her hand at the door, declined to comment. She arrived for brunch. She stayed through dinner. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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