Filed by The Dude on Monday, August 10, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
MAN, 67, BANNED FROM EVERY LOCATION AFTER HIDING A FOLDING TABLE IN THE BATHROOM TO EXTEND HIS BUFFET TIME
MAN, 67, BANNED FROM EVERY LOCATION AFTER HIDING A FOLDING TABLE IN THE BATHROOM TO EXTEND HIS BUFFET TIME OMAHA, NE — Barry Oscarson, 67, was banned from all 63 locations of a regional buffet chain after staff discovered he had been stashing a folding table behind the women's restroom door before each visit, setting it up in a corner after closing time to keep eating. table was reportedly hidden in the same spot on every visit, tucked flat against the restroom wall Oscarson allegedly waited until the lunch buffet officially closed before retrieving it and setting up in an unused corner staff say he brought his own insulated cooler bag to keep additional food warm during the extended session pattern was documented over several weeks before a new employee finally reported the setup to management his receipt from the day of discovery showed a single $11.99 lunch buffet charge, timestamped hours before he was found still eating Employees say the arrangement had gone unnoticed for so long because Oscarson always paid for one meal up front and simply never seemed to leave, which staff had chalked up to him being a slow eater. "We've had people hide leftovers, sneak food out in bags," said a Great Plains Buffet regional manager. "We've never had someone hide actual furniture on-site to extend service hours by himself." Corporate issued a formal notice of trespass and ban covering all 63 locations in the region, warning that any further attempt to enter would result in prosecution. Oscarson reportedly asked whether the folding table itself could be returned to him, since he felt he'd "taken good care of it." Some people ask for a to-go box. Barry built himself a second dining room instead. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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