Filed by The Dude on Wednesday, August 12, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
FLORIDA MAN ARRESTED FOR DIRECTING TRAFFIC AT AN INTERSECTION THAT ALREADY HAD A WORKING LIGHT
FLORIDA MAN ARRESTED FOR DIRECTING TRAFFIC AT AN INTERSECTION THAT ALREADY HAD A WORKING LIGHT SARASOTA, FLORIDA — Larry Osbourne, 61, was arrested Wednesday after spending nearly an hour directing traffic at a busy intersection with a fully functioning signal, wearing a safety vest he'd bought that morning. He allegedly wore a self-purchased safety vest and whistle to appear official Witnesses say he directed cars to stop on green and go on red a dozen times Multiple drivers reportedly argued with him mid-intersection Osbourne told officers he "just felt the light was moving too slow" Investigators found no city record of any request for traffic assistance One motorist said "I've never had a stranger scream at me to stop on a green light before today." "I've dealt with jaywalkers, illegal U-turns, school zone speeders," said Officer Dana Whitcomb. "Never a fully self-appointed traffic director undoing a perfectly good signal." The homemade whistle, still around his neck at booking, reportedly declined to comment. He tried to improve a system that wasn't broken — now he's the one getting redirected. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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