Filed by The Dude on Thursday, August 13, 2026 — a satirical filed report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER MAILING HER SISTER-IN-LAW 600 GLITTER-FILLED ENVELOPES LABELED "OPEN INDOORS FOR BEST RESULTS"
WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER MAILING HER SISTER-IN-LAW 600 GLITTER-FILLED ENVELOPES LABELED "OPEN INDOORS FOR BEST RESULTS" RICHMOND, VIRGINIA — Sabrina Colt, 31, was arrested Thursday after postal inspectors traced a months-long harassment campaign back to her, after her sister-in-law received 600 separate glitter-filled envelopes over eleven weeks. She allegedly mailed the envelopes from twelve different post offices to avoid detection Every envelope contained the same handwritten note reading "thinking of you always" Investigators found bulk glitter receipts totaling over $340 One neighbor said "her whole entryway sparkled like a disco ball for months." "I've investigated mail fraud, threatening letters," said postal inspector Owen Delacroix. "Never a six-hundred-envelope glitter campaign engineered for maximum household chaos." She wanted her sister-in-law to feel her presence everywhere — mission accomplished, mostly in carpet fibers. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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