Filed by The Dude on Friday, August 14, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
FLORIDA COUPLE ARRESTED AFTER DRIVING TWIN POWER WHEELS JEEPS ONTO THE ON-RAMP "TO BEAT TRAFFIC TOGETHER"
FLORIDA COUPLE ARRESTED AFTER DRIVING TWIN POWER WHEELS JEEPS ONTO THE ON-RAMP "TO BEAT TRAFFIC TOGETHER" BAYPORT LANDING, FL — Doug and Marissa Kettleman, both 46, were arrested Monday after troopers say the couple drove two children's battery-powered ride-on Jeeps onto a highway on-ramp during morning rush hour, side by side, at roughly four miles per hour. Officers say both were wearing bicycle helmets and holding travel mugs. Investigators describe a commute that was fully premeditated: The two ride-on vehicles were purchased used and had been modified with larger batteries They departed their neighborhood at 7:15 a.m. and reached the ramp 40 minutes later Traffic behind them slowed to a near stop across two lanes before troopers arrived Both vehicles had handwritten paper license plates taped to the rear bumpers They told troopers the ramp shoulder was "wide enough for both of us to fit" Neither vehicle had headlights, mirrors, or any legal road equipment whatsoever One Jeep ran out of charge on the shoulder before troopers finished the stop Commuters reportedly filmed the pair from adjacent lanes for nearly a mile, with several honking supportively. "They were commuting. Genuinely commuting," said Trooper Yolanda Grisby, a 21-year veteran of the department. "Two adults, two toy Jeeps, one on-ramp, at rush hour. Side by side." The taped paper plates, now in evidence, declined to comment. They wanted to beat traffic together. They became the traffic together. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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