Filed by The Dude on Sunday, August 16, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
FLORIDA MAN TELLS JUDGE HE HAS BEEN BANNED FROM SIX DINERS AND IS APPEALING ALL OF THEM
FLORIDA MAN TELLS JUDGE HE HAS BEEN BANNED FROM SIX DINERS AND IS APPEALING ALL OF THEM CLEARWATER, FL — Roger Pemberton, 47, appeared in county court Wednesday not for the criminal charge on the docket, but to formally request the judge's help appealing lifetime bans from six local diners, all of which he brought printed "NOT WELCOME" letters to submit as exhibits. Pemberton, who arrived in handcuffs for an unrelated matter, reportedly asked if the court could "put a stay" on the diner bans while he pursued what he called "a coordinated appeal across all six venues." He brought a binder titled "BAN LETTERS — CASE FOR REINSTATEMENT" with tabs for each restaurant He argued Joe's Diner's ban was "procedurally unsound" because it was taped to the door, not mailed He claimed Mom's Diner banned him "on hearsay" after a dispute over refill policy He requested the judge subpoena a Denny's manager as a character witness He asked whether Florida had a "diner rights statute" he could cite Witnesses in the gallery said several people laughed audibly when Pemberton referred to himself as "a repeat customer in good standing, historically." The judge reportedly reminded him twice that diner bans were not within the court's jurisdiction. "I've handled a lot of unusual motions in eighteen years on this bench, but never six of them about pancakes," said Judge Carla Weston, who has served the circuit since 2008. Pemberton left the courthouse still clutching the binder. Justice, it turns out, doesn't cover the breakfast menu. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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