Filed by The Dude on Tuesday, September 8, 2026 — a satirical florida report from the newsdesk. [Parody]
ST. PETERSBURG, FL — Ashley Donovan, 31, was arrested Thursday after mailing 47 separate gift baskets to her ex-boyfriend's office over a six-week period, each one labeled "FROM A FRIEND" in different
ST. PETERSBURG, FL — Ashley Donovan, 31, was arrested Thursday after mailing 47 separate gift baskets to her ex-boyfriend's office over a six-week period, each one labeled "FROM A FRIEND" in different handwriting. Witnesses say Donovan, who dated ex-boyfriend Cody Marchetti, 33, for 11 months until their February breakup, began the delivery campaign one week after he started a new job at a downtown marketing firm. According to the police report: - Donovan mailed one basket per business day for nine straight weeks - She used 47 different return addresses across three Florida counties - She rotated the handwriting style on each shipping label - Basket 1 contained an Edible Arrangement and a single AirTag - Basket 14 contained 12 candles all scented "Her Perfume" - Basket 23 contained a framed photo of his mother captioned, "She knows" - Basket 31 contained two Buffalo Wild Wings gift cards and a love letter - Basket 47 contained a stuffed bear holding a note that read, "I see you" Donovan reportedly told arresting officers she was "just being friendly" and that Cody had "no idea what real love looks like." She also produced a color-coded spreadsheet titled "Operation Re-Engage" detailing every shipment, vendor, and his estimated emotional response per basket. Officer Reginald Pace of St. Petersburg PD told reporters, "I've worked this beat 18 years. I've responded to drunken beach proposals, golf cart joyrides, and one woman who tried to marry a manatee at a public dock. This is the first time in my career I have ever entered 47 Edible Arrangement receipts and a stuffed bear into evidence as part of a stalking case." The stuffed bear declined to comment. She mailed her love. She got returned to sender. Images and full story copyrighted TBC Viral Media 2026. #funny #comedy #fblifestyle #satire #FORENTERTAINMENTONLY
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